DIY Conflict Resolution Guidelines

I’ve seen it happen with clients, church members, family members, and friends: it can be really challenging to sit in conflict and disunity while we wait for someone else to help. Especially with married couples or people in close relationships, it can be excruciating to survive in near proximity while conflict remains unresolved. That’s what this post is for. But first, the disclaimers: there will be times when this post is not enough. There will be times when you need professional help and you must endure the waiting. And there are times when even professional help is not enough. See Paul and Barnabas’s sharp disagreement in Acts 15 (which seems to have improved after the passage of significant time). However, my hope and prayer for you is that these tools will help equip you to do more DIY conflict resolution that works. And if you still require professional assistance, at the very least, these tools will help you to get more out of that time and to feel better about the work you’ve already done walking in.

Without further ado, here are some of the most powerful tools we can use in conflict resolution:

1. First, address conflict from a calm emotional state. This is an absolute gamechanger. In fact, I consider it a nonstarter if you don’t have this foundation for your conversation. Biblically speaking, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). The Gottmans, pioneers of couples therapy research, refer to this as “soft startup.” Their findings on this are mind-blowing. A harsh startup is literally a death sentence for the conversation. Based on how soft or harsh the first three minutes of the interaction is, the rest of the episode follows suit ninety-six percent of the time!!! In other words, start harsh, end harsh (and usually unresolved). Start soft, end soft (and often reconciled).

   1. How do I start soft? I’ll go into more of this later, but one of the most important concepts is positivity. The Gottmans find that flourishing relationships have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions in the midst of conflict. In everyday life, it’s much higher — 20:1! That may seem foreign, but it’s possible. Some of it is just basics: “I” statements are positive, “you” statements are often accusations; negative assumptions about others feel like criticism, but deferential questions can be positive; apologies and thank you’s effectively done are also positive. Another tip for remaining soft is seeking to understand. The Gottmans assert that arguments have three stages, and most issues arise when we move too quickly through the second stage (understanding) to the third stage (problem solving). When in doubt, make it your goal to understand and love the other person. And before you move on to problem solving, really make sure they feel loved and understood. And then if you’re not sure you’re ready, try to understand them even more deeply. Then you can move on to problem-solving. Some practical ways to seek deeper understanding: “Will you tell me more about that?” Reflection, summary, and checks for understanding can also be really helpful: “It sounds like you’re saying ________. Am I getting that right?” “So when I said __________, it really hurt because ____________. Is that right?” Avoid parroting, which means just repeating word-for-word. Instead, use synonyms, identify themes, focus on the most important parts, etc. And don’t forget to check to make sure your understanding is correct.

   2. What if it escalates to becomes harsh? This is a really important question, and it can be life-changing when people adopt this for the first time. If things get escalated, pause. Really. Hit pause, calm down, and revisit it later. Don’t get one last jab in on the way out, don’t let the other person think you’re abandoning them, and don’t make it worse in any other way. Instead, take credit whenever you can: “I can tell I’m getting too frustrated to handle this as well as I would like to. The truth is I care about you, but I feel like I need to calm down before I can continue. Can we revisit this in ______ (minutes/hours)?” No more than 24 hours. Physiologically, it will typically take between 20 and 60 minutes for you to get back to a calm state, and when you’re both ready, it should be revisited urgently but in a calm way. The Bible is clear about the urgency of resolving disagreements, and it is also clear that “It is to your glory to overlook an offense,” kindness leads to repentance, we should love our neighbors, pray for our enemies, remove the log from our own eye, etc. Neurologically and physically speaking, we simply are not capable of doing those things when we are really upset. In fact, brain scans show us that the parts of the brain that process critical thinking, creative problem-solving, empathy, and even faith are almost entirely offline when we are really upset. So if we are to be functioning in partnership with the Holy Spirit in this interaction, we must be calm. And if we can’t be calm, we must pause until we can. There’s no shortage of calming resources and tools online that I’ll let you look up on your own for more, but suffice to say thinking about what the perfect comeback would have been or what your next counterattack will be — those are not calming. Instead, try reading and meditating on scripture, like 1 Corinthians 13. Then try praying, including praying for the other person. Add in some deep breathing, and as you do, ask for the Holy Spirit to guide you, and invite God’s peace into your body.

2. Have the conversation in person. Do your best to come from a place of fullness: be rested, fed, hydrated, and prayed up, to the best of your ability. During the conversation, be unhurried and undistracted, and show your love and openness with your body language.

3. Focus on your feelings, being careful not to fall into the trap of unhelpful argument over facts. Reflect on how you were wounded, then share your hurts/insecurities/fears with the other person without accusing. For example, “When you said, ‘__________’ (objective fact without judgment), I felt _________ (emotion/hurt) because ____________ (vulnerable information revealing fear/insecurity).” This can be a good formula, but it doesn’t always work. For example, they could say, “I didn’t say that,” and then you could devolve into an unproductive disagreement over what was said. So agree where you can. Compromise where you can, especially where it’s not important. For example, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to misrepresent what you said. I can’t exactly remember. I just remember when you were talking about that, I felt ______.” That’s where the hurt is and that’s what needs to be addressed for reconciliation. Sue Johnson’s book Hold Me Tight is all about how to have this kind of conversation. When you are the listener, your job is to help the other person feel heard and understood.

4. Clarify the difference between intent and impact. Most hurts in conflict are about impact, not intent. Understand how your words and actions impacted the other person negatively and apologize for that. Sometimes it is helpful and appropriate to clarify your intent, but sometimes it makes things worse, especially if you haven’t yet apologized for the impact of what you have done because it just sounds defensive. When you are sharing how you have been hurt, focus on the impact, but do not make accusations about intent; you can’t know that. Occasionally, your mind has created a narrative about their intent that needs to be addressed. When that is the case, ask a non-judgmental question. “Can you help me understand where you were coming from when you said/did that?”

5. Strive to bring the fullness of truth and love to this interaction. Both are necessary, and the more you can bring both, the better your conversation will generally go. However, be wise about what truths you focus on. The truth of that historical fact is not nearly as important for reconciliation as how you felt wounded in that moment; sharing the latter and speaking the truth in love can lead to healing.

6. Be quick to apologize. Apology is hard, especially for some people, particularly those whose parents didn’t model and teach it well. Many people I work with feel it can actually be dishonest to be too apologetic or that it can be a sign of weakness. 

   1. Let’s start with honesty. When you separate intent from impact and apologize for the impact, you can honestly apologize much more easily. For example, “I’m so sorry that I made you feel left out when I didn’t invite you to that event.” This is essentially saying, “I heard you when you said you felt left out, and I realize now my actions had that impact. I care about you enough to acknowledge that and to apologize.” I have a theory that it doesn’t hurt to over-apologize in the right way. Some people can’t bring themselves to apologize in the way I just suggested because they say, “I can’t make someone feel something.” And to that I would say, if they agree and you over-apologize, they will naturally make that correction in their own minds and take more responsibility themselves, but they will appreciate your humility and grace. But if they see it differently, if they really feel like you did make them feel that, your apology will actually have a chance of landing if you over-apologize. Furthermore, Jesus is the classic example of over-apologizing. Essentially, the Old Testament is humanity messing up again and again and again and apologizing again and again and again and it never being enough for us to remain in right relationship with God. Then Jesus came along and apologized for our sin on the cross so we could be reconciled to God. He humbled himself and took the blame so our relationship could be healed. So our over-apology can be a very Christlike action. That being said, be careful not to take responsibility that God would have the other person take; that can stunt their growth and prevent your healing. If you over-apologize, apologize for ways you hurt the other person, intentionally and unintentionally. But do not apologize for how they hurt you.

   2. Weakness. This one is pretty easily dismantled. Who is stronger — the man who can admit his feelings, or the man who pretends he does not have them and is therefore victim to them? Who is more confident — the woman who can humbly confess her faults without crumbling in shame, or the woman who tries so desperately to conceal them? People hurt people. People fail. We cannot avoid it. The best we can do is try not to and when we hurt others, to acknowledge it and offer repair. Refusing to do so prioritizes our own fragile sense of confidence at the other person’s expense. On this note, I offer a caution against self-deprecating “fake apologies.” For example, “I’m sorry I’m such a bad husband.” That’s not a real apology, and it’s not helpful. If you mean it, you’ve given into sweeping shame rather than accepting specific accountability for something you did wrong and can work to rectify. It literally makes it harder for you to learn and grow. If you don’t mean it, it’s a callous dismissal of someone else’s pain. Either way, genuine, humble, confident apology is a sign of strength. A sign that you can acknowledge how you have hurt someone else and can offer healing without buckling under shame or self-consciousness.

7. We almost never choose to be hurt, but we do choose to forgive. Very rarely do people hurt themselves on purpose or choose to be offended. However, overlooking an offense does have to be a conscious decision. The more you make that decision, the more automatic it can become. Critically, though, overlooking an offense is not the same thing as suppressing it. “Overlooking it” is essentially forgiveness. And forgiveness is also a choice, one that Jesus is clear He is asking us to make, over and over and over.

8. Consider boundaries carefully. The world is quick to prescribe boundaries, but in this world of cancel culture and growing social isolationism, the Bible approaches it a bit differently. Matthew 18 describes a process by which we should address when a “brother” (a fellow Christian) sins against you. The end of that passage suggests boundaries if they repeatedly refuse to repent. Interestingly, it is also clear throughout the Bible that God’s people are not to be really close companions with fools, evil people, or really anyone who is not following God. There’s a lot of nuance and discernment involved with this, but I’ll try to summarize this way: God’s primary heart in all of this is for people. When our kindness to others helps us bring people to Jesus, great! But when people are unrepentant, when they deny Christ, we are not to stay close to them for fear we will be dragged away. And between Christians, God is unequivocal that he wants us to be unified, at peace with one another, loving one another so powerfully that the world we know we are Jesus’s disciples. Of course, reconciliation with nonbelievers is good and can show a powerful witness of Christlikeness, forgiveness, love, etc. However, it can also be really challenging sometimes, not least because you follow completely different standards and authorities for your lives.

9. Avoid conversational fouls. Fouls are called in many sports to help keep the game fair and safe for everyone so players can continue playing for a long time and the game might even be fun, even as titans test their strength against one another. But can you imagine if there were no fouls in football or basketball? People would literally kill each other!

   
   

   

   
   

   But in relationships, the fouls are too often unspoken, too frequently committed, and too regularly unaddressed when they happen. This list could be really long, but I’m going to try to keep it to the main ones that I see most often:

   1. Telling someone else what they are thinking/feeling

   2. Stating your assumptions/interpretations as fact

   3. “You should know why I’m upset” (expecting the other person to be a mind-reader)

   4. Passive aggression

   5. Blame

   6. Criticism

   7. Contempt (treating others with hatred communicated through words, actions, body language, etc.)

   8. Defensiveness

   9. Stonewalling

   10. Sarcasm used in conflict

   11. Any kind of abuse

   12. Threats

   13. “Kitching sinking” (Trying to deal with more than one issue at once)

   14. Bandwagoning (involving others in the argument to try to sound more compelling)

   15. Triangulation and gossip

   16. Name-calling

   17. Cussing (Segments of the Christian addiction recovery community consider cussing a form of emotional unrestraint, immaturity, and manipulation; whether you agree fully or not, what you say in conflict will often be better received without this)

   * It should be noted that humor can provide a powerful exception to a lot of these fouls. When appreciated by both parties, humor offers repair and tension diffusion. But it’s a risk. Attempts at humor can come across as “not taking this seriously,” so do your best to know your audience and adjust if humor isn’t having the intended effect for all parties!

10. Persevere. I have witnessed standstills of decades achieve breakthrough when both parties are willing to persevere in trying to implement the above and stick with it over time. We don’t know how long it will take, but you might fairly expect it to take time: the tools I’ve mentioned above are difficult to master. Difficult and worth it. Give yourself and the other(s) in this situation grace and don’t give up. I will draw near to a close with this, a surprising transition right in the middle of Matthew 18, perhaps my favorite chapter of scripture. These verses are literally the connective tissue between the section telling us how to deal with conflict in the church and the section on forgiveness (including how and why Jesus always wants us to forgive): Jesus says, “Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” We often apply these passages more liberally, but when Jesus said this, he was talking about conflict.

11. One of the greatest ways to honor your relationship is to seek outside help if you need it. If you are not able to reconcile on your own, involving the right other people is courageous, obedient, wise, humble, and loving. As you are seeking that help, I urge you to seek a Christian. Not just someone who works with Christians or someone who is lukewarm — seek help from someone who proclaims Jesus as Lord of their life, who is unapologetic about the authority of Scripture, and someone whose life shows the fruit of reconciliation and service to Christ. If that person is trained in helping others and/or is a professional counselor, so much the better.

Holy Spirit, fill us with wisdom, love, and patience. Lord, bring unity in this situation. We ask for healing and growth (which are often the same thing) on all sides. Show me where I have wronged and where I can apologize. Give me a soft heart. Help me to know how to offer healing, and give me the strength and humility to offer it generously. Please minister to my soul and make me more like you. And restore unity, Lord. Above all, may you be glorified and may your will be done far above what we could ask or imagine. Amen.

The Painting, A Parable

In the last several years, my wife and I have been gaining more and more appreciation for antiques. In an increasingly disposable world, we have come to recognize and admire the quality and care put into things meant to last generations. I also recently finished The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, a convicting book that corroborates the simple, methodical approach that is pro-hand-carved and anti-flat-pack. All this to say, in my personal life and my counseling practice, I am growing to understand that the way of Jesus is simple and deep and slow and quiet.

It was in this spirit that my wife and I recently visited the flea market with a friend. If you haven’t been to a flea market, I advise caution: it is a sprawling cacophony of a few diamonds surrounded by a lot of rough. It’s kind of like a hundred garage sales shoved into a building big enough to fit seventy-five garage sales. But for those willing to patiently brave the chaos, there are sometimes delightful rewards.

On this particular visit, I had an inexplicable feeling as I walked in that I was going to find an original painting, which was a feeling I have never had before. Sure enough, as I scanned the wares, I found it about a third of the way through my journey. I saw it from far off: an original oil painting in a custom fine art frame. You see, my father is an artist, and my time with him trained me to instantly recognize a valuable work of art, even when hundreds if not thousands of people had missed it before me. 

"Mr. Popular" - Anita Mosher Solich

The painter’s skill was evident: a masterful, courageous use of color; rich oils generously applied, the dimension of form beckoning from the canvas; a timeless, pastoral scene inviting the viewer to sample and emulate its merits. As I drank it in, my heart leapt. It seemed too good to be true. I researched the artist and learned she was a renowned local painter. The price for this painting was impossibly low, so I decided to purchase it and figure out what to do with it later.

In the days that followed, I reached out to the artist, who recognized her work and confirmed its authenticity. Interestingly, she mentioned that many people have reached out to her claiming to be in possession of her work, yet most of those turned out not to be hers. But mine was. She kindly issued me a certificate of authenticity and a dollar value for insurance purposes. The true value of the painting was over fifty times what I had paid for it.

The more my wife and I looked at this painting throughout those days, the more we fell in love with it. We decided to hang it in my office, where it will stay for the foreseeable future to be appreciated by many and to offer this parable:

This painting is like many of my clients. You are masterfully created, imbued with immense value. This world is the flea market. It places a price on you — one far below your real worth. As a therapist, I am me in this story. I have been trained by my Father to see your true nature and to help accomplish that work of redemption. For you have been purchased at a price. God himself recognizes his workmanship, the immeasurable worth he placed within you. He calls you to reject that flea market price tag and to accept your actual value, functioning as he has designed you: to display his glory, to bless and encourage others. And it is precisely by accepting that appraisal that the function is best fulfilled.

I pray you may you see the Artist's masterful strokes within yourself, for each part has been designed, crafted with care and intention. May you obediently and humbly agree with his appraisal, and may you submit yourself to display the riches of his glory, his goodness, and his love as he wills. May you boast in him, not hiding yourself under a basket but accepting your God-given radiance so you may shine before men and proclaim Christ.

* I should mention that my mother is also a highly skilled artist, and I learned just as much from her! For purposes of the parable, though, I wrote specifically about my father in this post. Love you, Mom and Dad!

How Christians Should Approach Conflict Differently: "Do Not Resist an Evil Person"

Imagine two men, Jeff and Dave, both living in a faraway land called Erath. Jeff is a citizen of Erath, but Dave is only a visitor. In fact, Dave is there on a work assignment; he is an ambassador for his country, Vehean. His task is to increase goodwill, promote tourism to his home country, and ultimately facilitate immigration. One would expect there to be many differences in how these men lead their lives in Erath.

Citizens and Ambassadors

So it is with us. The citizens of this world teach that in conflict, it is our job to protect ourselves, achieve justice, and do what is right for us. For these people, they are already home. They are their own kings.

But we are citizens and ambassadors of Heaven. We have a job to do, and this calls for a more winsome approach. Our King has instructed us very clearly on how we are to act:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus, who – being in very nature God – did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing…he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death. Even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:3-8).

Unpacking the Message

Let’s unpack this a bit. Firstly, Paul addresses what we should do with our sense of entitlement in conflict. Before Jesus took on flesh, humanity had been embroiled in an epic conflict with God that had lasted millennia. Although he is God himself, and has every reason to leverage his due, Jesus set it aside. Doing so was exactly what was required to resolve the conflict. Sometimes it’s less about what is “right” and more about what is effective. Was it “right” for Jesus to die on our behalf? Absolutely not. But was it the most effective way to reconcile us to himself? Absolutely.

Paul instructs believers to take on this same Christlike posture. There are three reasons for this:

1. That’s what is effective.

2. He is our king; we take our orders from him and follow his example.

3. Our goal is bigger than resolving this immediate conflict. We have a job to do.

   
   

The next verse continues with “therefore,” a verbal signal that what follows is the logical extension of what came before:

“Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is the Lord, to the glory of God the Father” (Philippians 2:9-11).

The Cosmic Connection

It’s easy to miss the connection Paul is making here. When Jesus humbled himself to resolve our conflict, it enacted a cosmic “therefore.” Paul is drawing a parallel between our response to conflict and Jesus’s. When we forgive others their trespasses, when we humble ourselves to reconcile with others, it catalyzes the same cosmic promise. Our humility in conflict can actually cause more knees to bow and more tongues to confess that Jesus is Lord.

To truly “look to the interests of others” means to consider their greatest good — that is — Heaven. Speaking in eternal terms, is there anything more important than them being reconciled to God? Jesus models this in an incredibly powerful way. Consider his response to those attacking and betraying him leading up to the crucifixion:

• The first word he utters to Judas after the betrayal kiss is “friend.”

• He tells Peter to put away his sword and heals the man whose ear was cut off.

• He goes willingly with the mob.

• He remains silent in the face of mocking and torture.

• Ultimately, he expresses his forgiveness toward everyone who was cruel to him, even as he was saving them: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).

  
  

Our Role as Ambassadors

This is our job. We are Christ’s ambassadors. We’ve been tasked with promoting goodwill, increasing tourism, and facilitating immigration from Earth to Heaven.

Our ability to reconcile with others and love them when they least deserve it is one of the most powerful witnesses we have (John 17:21). This is perhaps because the expected, earthly approach is so self-focused. There’s a natural tendency to withdraw and protect ourselves. It’s shocking when we do something different. People notice. When we’ve been hurt but we spread our arms wide as our Savior did, even when it sometimes means further injury and humiliation, we echo the gospel.

From a counseling perspective, this is powerful because it shifts our value from being works-based to intrinsic. It says, “I love you because God loves you, even at your worst.” It takes direct aim at the default message encoded in far too many people’s hearts: “I’m only worthy of love if/when _____.” This toxic lie leads to shame and eventually death, but love based on intrinsic value leads to life. It can be absolutely transformative in marriage, with children, with parents, friends, and even strangers.

The Higher Calling

As Jesus said, even tax collectors love those who love them. Even pagans greet their own people. Jesus issues a higher calling:

“Do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles” (Matthew 5:39-48).

Can you imagine actually, literally doing this in real life? It's a nice idea to read about, but I find it to be one of the most practically challenging concepts in scripture.

The Challenge of Humility

This may provoke in you a sense of violation. It goes against what you have learned about standing up for yourself and standing up for what is right. That is exactly the point. It may provoke the same in your assailant, and that may provide an opening for God’s prime objective: reaching the lost.

We are not scared of injury in the same way these earthlings are, for we are eternal beings. When we return home, every tear will be wiped away. There will be no more pain or suffering. We do not balk at shame, for “we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame” (Romans 5:3-5a).

We know that when we humble ourselves to reconcile with others, it is not weakness but God’s strength within us. It takes great obedience to willingly take up your cross and bleed for others. In this endeavor, can you feel the pleasure of your Father, feeling your heart pulse for the same lost souls as His?

Navigating Difficult Situations

Abuse

This topic can be so difficult, partly because it is all too easy to read the above as an argument for staying in abusive situations. However, that is not God’s heart.

God himself models this for us in his relationship with the nation of Israel. He gives chances as hearts move toward him but withdraws as he is betrayed, abused, and neglected. There are centuries of separation and silence before Jesus shows up, changing the parameters of the relationship entirely.

In the New Testament, we learn even more about how to respond to abusive and/or unreceptive situations. As Jesus sends out his disciples, he instructs them to search for “some worthy person.” He says, “If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you.” He also instructs, “If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet” (Matthew 10:11-14).

A few chapters later in Matthew 18, Jesus lays out a process for addressing when we are sinned against by a brother or sister in Christ. It is a tiered response, designed to use the smallest effective intervention and to maximize the likelihood they will repent. But if they don’t, distance and boundaries are prescribed.

The Nature of Self-Sacrifice

You see, self-sacrifice is not a panacea – just as it wasn’t for God. Jesus sacrificed himself, but there are still countless souls who refuse to be in close, healthy relationship with God. As his followers, we sacrifice ourselves for others, and that counterintuitive gesture can soften them, bringing them to a compelling decision point. But they can still choose incorrectly. If they do, we can continue to love them and pray for them. However, especially in situations of abuse, we also shake off the dust from our feet and treat them as tax collectors. We get out of the abuse.

Too often, Christians stop short of these commands to shake off the dust and treat them like tax collectors because it “feels unloving.” But God works through our obedience. Far be it from us to believe we know better how to love those He created. In these cases, withdrawing is the most loving thing we can do. In a very Christlike way, our obedient withdrawal honors their clear request not to be in a healthy, close relationship. Just as Jesus does not force himself on those who have rejected him, we cannot force a healthy relationship with those determined to abuse us.

Understanding Abuse

Do not be confused: abuse is not a dysfunctional attempt at a healthy relationship. Abuse is the attempt to extract something from the other person. It devalues the image of God in the person experiencing the abuse and gives both parties the wrong view of their worth and purpose. It robs both parties of the abundant life we can experience through treating one another as God calls us to. Leaving abusive situations actually gives abusers the best chance to recognize these things and perhaps have a shot one day at a healthy, reciprocal relationship, but staying in the abuse will not make it better. Jesus endured abuse, but he did not stay in it.

Whether abuse or not, our charge is this: offer truth, love, grace, and forgiveness. If these are received, hallelujah! If not, we are unequivocally directed to get out of that situation. Christians often struggle with this because it can feel contrary to the passage above encouraging us to “turn the other cheek” or “go the extra mile.” But we must remember: in each example, it is only one extra thing. It is not letting yourself get beaten to death. It is not indenturing yourself to a life of servitude. It’s one other cheek. One extra mile. It’s about loving someone at their worst in the name of Jesus that they might turn toward him. It is not about staying in abusive situations.

Seeking Help

Navigating abuse can be indescribably difficult — emotionally, spiritually, legally, and logistically. If you think you might be in that situation, I urge you as a brother in Christ to seek help from a believer trained in responding to such cases. It can be so isolating, confusing, and tragic. Many well-meaning Christians will offer platitudes or unwise or even unbiblical advice, trying to love you but sometimes making things worse. Yet there is hope. The God who saves sees you, loves you, and is able to deliver you.

May God continue the work of deliverance in and through our lives. May he accomplish untold wonders as we submit ourselves to his direction. May he grant us wisdom to know when and how to lay down our lives as he did, and when to shake the dust off our feet. May he continue to equip us for the work of ambassadorship, making straight our paths as we seek to be his hands and feet to a world in desperate need of him.