Brushing Too Hard: Taking Self-Care Too Far

“Seriously?” I asked the dentist.

He nodded with an apologetic smile.

“I really wish someone had told me earlier,” I said more to myself than to him. After my appointment, I made an extra stop at the store to purchase toothpaste for sensitive teeth and a special electric toothbrush that would help prevent the problem from getting worse.

I felt angry and betrayed. I was in my mid-twenties, and I had just learned I had been brushing too hard, causing irreversible damage, which had led to receding gums and high sensitivity to acidic and sugary foods (some of my favorites).

Growing up, I had visited the dentist regularly, and while I wasn’t always the model patient, I generally did well. In fact, I reasoned, when cleaning something, sometimes a little extra elbow grease makes it even cleaner, so I had always brushed with vigor. Despite what must have been an apparent decline over decades, my dentists never said anything about brushing too hard until it was too late. And so, by trying too hard to follow the experts’ advice, I had caused a problem I didn’t even realize was possible.

I think there are some similarities between this situation and self-care. Is brushing teeth a good thing? Undoubtedly. So it is with self-care. And yet, both can be done “too hard.” Some people take self-care to a place of self-indulgence, a place that becomes selfish. Both the Bible and neuroscience tout the benefits of generosity and serving others, and both warn against a life that is too self-focused.

This can sometimes be difficult to remember. When a client is telling me about the ways others hurt them or make things difficult, sometimes the best path is for the client to become more of a helper in their own life. However, it often feels a lot better in the moment just to get validation, to have someone else say, “keep up the good work,” like my dentists said to me.

But focusing too much on caring for ourselves at the expense of caring for others can cause serious damage, and it can cause us to develop a problematic oversensitivity or fragility. Serving others, on the other hand, has a way of increasing our gratitude (one of the healthiest states of mind) while bringing our problems into proper perspective.

My advice? Brush your teeth, but not too hard.