In countless different ways, I’ve heard a lot of clients ask, “Why is my life such a mess?”
This is a very difficult question to answer, and I always strive to approach the exploration process with great compassion. As clients uncover the answers through the course of therapy, it often involves trauma, genetics, their upbringing, unpreventable hardships endemic to this broken world, and more. For most people, many of the hardships in their life were given to them by someone or something else. However, there’s another true answer that is sometimes more uncomfortable but far more liberating.
For those in the depths of the valley, what follows must be said very carefully because it is so difficult to receive. What follows can feel dismissive, even wounding. In fact, often even in Christian counseling, these things are carefully revealed or even self-discovered rather than said by the therapist. However, best-case scenario, here is what many clients eventually come to believe:
When I find my life is a mess, it’s often because I’m in charge of it. And I’m not supposed to be.

This is a critical difference between Christian counseling and every other type of counseling. The world is all about self-actualization, self-empowerment, and selfishness—which actually results in powerful self-consciousness. As believers, we know the source of hope, wisdom, joy, peace: the definer and author of truth itself. He is the purpose. He is the one who should be in charge of our lives, who wants to help clean up the mess. And when we let him, when we decide not to do it our way but to follow his Way instead, in this is true life found.
Depression often correlates to a lack of hope, and hope is often lost when we realize our hope was in hopeless things. There is one true hope.
Anxiety often correlates to fear, a sense that bad things might happen, a lack of control. There is One who is in control, and he adores us beyond comprehension.
Suffering is so often a matter of perspective. Take a look at James 1:2-8. Imagine how a biblical perspective on suffering could transform our mental health!
Of course, when the excruciating pain of life confronts the truths above, it can be very difficult to grapple with the tension, to know how to put this wisdom into practice. A Christian counselor can help you navigate this space, and that’s actually how God designed us to function: in beautiful interdependence.
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