I took a Crisis Counseling course in graduate school, and one of the most interesting things I learned was that people in crisis require a more directive approach, meaning when we are in survival mode, we need to be told what to do; our “survival brain” is not as capable of critical or creative thinking, so we rely on others’ ability to do this in dire circumstances. In such times, we are looking for someone to listen to. We have disaster ears, straining for something to grasp onto in our time of crisis.
When we are shaken to the core, when we face the important intersections of our lives, how we respond in large part determines our path for the future, and the ramifications of our choices can ripple into eternity. In such times, there is great opportunity for good (Romans 5:3-4). The concern is that when the ground beneath us quakes, we can have a problematic tendency to avoid further discomfort and to seek the nearest counterfeit refuge, even if its foundation is built on sand.
But let me be clear: God is our refuge.
Here is the most important wisdom I can offer on this topic: when you are reeling, you must choose who you listen to. Choose to listen to God, and choose to listen to those who listen to God.
How do you listen to God? Volumes have been written on this topic, but essentially it comes down to three things: 1) Read the Bible, 2) Pray, and 3) Be influenced by other followers of Jesus:
While the Bible provides leeway in many areas, it also provides clarity in many. It is not, as so many misconceive, an ambiguous mess allowing the reader to walk away believing whatever they want. Such a reader has seen the words but has not understood. At the risk of stating the obvious, the Bible is the Word of God. Want to know God’s direction for your life? Study carefully and seek to understand what he has already said about it.
When uncertainty remains, we have prayer. Hearing God’s response to our pleas for direction sounds altogether different from hearing the voice of our flesh. It is completely loving but uncompromisingly true. Sometimes, it can call us into all manner of holy difficulty: to forgive, to hope, to love, to endure, to trust in the Lord, to lean not on our own understanding or the foolish advice of the world. As we listen and seek, learning what the Lord’s voice sounds like, we often find clarity about the particulars of our situation. One important note here: if in your prayers you hear an answer that conflicts with the Bible’s clear direction, what you heard was not God’s voice.
Finally, we are also instructed to surround ourselves with other followers of Jesus. God’s design is for us to exist in a faith community and to build one another up in the faith, growing together and pointing one another back to Truth. One of the great perversions of our age is the myth that a believer can follow God but opt out of Christian community. There’s an important caveat here as well: just because someone professes faith does not mean they are wise. You must be discerning. Consider the fruit of this person’s life to determine whether they should have a leadership influence in your life (Matthew 7:15-20, Galatians 5:23-23, 1 Timothy 3:1-13). Consider the source of their “wisdom.” As the Bible says in Proverbs 13:20, those who walk “with the wise become wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” Walk with and be influenced by wise fellow believers, but remember also there are plenty of fools in the church.
We must remember too that there are times that even men of conviction lose faith. Consider Peter’s denial of Jesus after years of witnessing his miracles. This can happen when well-meaning believers are blinded by their own crises or when they share in your suffering to such an extent that they lose objectivity. Such examples are not necessarily an indictment of character (Peter was soon redeemed from this blunder and then led a life of unshakable faith and stalwart leadership until his death), but they do inspire caution for one who would seek advice from a pre-crucifixion Peter.
This three-pronged approach to discerning truth and direction for your life is a holy, comprehensive solution. As we employ these, we do so with reliance on the Holy Spirit — our advocate and guide — and we do so with patient perseverance. I contend that if you have exhausted these options and still don’t feel a sense of clarity, it is only a matter of time, and God is likely gifting you with a difficult but worthwhile blessing in the waiting.
How do we know when we are listening to the wrong people?
Consider these two examples the Bible provides:
In Job 2:9-10, Job’s wife tells her suffering husband to sacrifice his integrity by cursing God and dying. Job replies by calling her foolish and poignantly responds, “Are we to accept what is good from God but not tragedy?” The author then adds to emphasize who is right in this conversation, “Job did not sin by what he said.”
As Jesus’s disciples finally come to understand and admit beyond any doubt that he is the Messiah, Jesus begins to prepare them for his crucifixion (Matthew 16:15-27). Overflowing with general passion and specific love for Jesus — in addition to a well-intended desire to protect his Lord — Peter protests: “This shall never happen to you!” For me, Jesus’s response is the most unexpectedly harsh example I see in scripture, which I think emphasizes the importance of the issue: “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”
In both examples, we see people very close to the person suffering who would offer counterfeit refuge by pursuing comfort rather than listening to God’s voice. Both examples include a harsh but holy response. I think this harshness is not necessarily because we are meant to respond harshly; I think it is written this way at least partly so we readers understand the importance of the issue and don’t miss the lesson we are meant to receive. It also underscores the fact that harsh situations can produce growth and sanctification.
When you face crisis, you will receive conflicting messages about how to respond. Your disaster ears will be particularly susceptible to these messages as you are suffering. Some well-intended loved ones will attempt to offer seductive comfort that is opposed to God’s will for your life, and this paves the way to catastrophe. Instead, it is imperative you listen to God’s voice and to those who follow his truth as their ultimate source.
Consider, for example, a marriage in crisis. Or a child struggling with their sexuality. Or a conflict destroying a family. In all of these, the world provides a counterfeit refuge, prescribing comfort in the form of selfishness, embracing of sin, division, or other things God hates. All of these counterfeits have a loving veneer, but what seemed to be love soon peels off, exposing rot that can cause the entire structure to fail.
Our lives must be built upon the rock (Matthew 7:24-27). Keep in mind the things of God, and listen to others who do. When you face the crossroads of comfort versus conviction, choose Truth. Through the power of God within you, you can weather the storm. God is sufficient to comfort, protect, and provide for those who are faithful to him and his Word. But when we choose the seductive, unholy path, God loves us enough to let us experience the painful consequences of this sin in hopes we prodigals will eventually come to our senses and return home. Ironically, a fear of discomfort or a feeling of entitlement in the short-term can lead us down a far more painful path in the long-term. And sometimes, God allows us to experience the storm so we learn we have nothing to fear; in such cases, running from it robs us of this gift.
The Bible reminds us about the battle we face in this life. We are not called to comfort. This broken world is marked by suffering. We can fear it, live in denial, or embrace self-indulgence, and if we do, we fall as casualties on the battlefield. Or we can be warriors, empowered by the Holy Spirit, equipped with the armor of God, peacefully enjoying God’s feast in a dark valley while surrounded by enemies (Psalm 23). We can relish God’s power and the strength he has given us to persevere and to triumph in the face of great adversity.
The Bible is clear who wins in the end. Choose to be on the winning side. Listen to God. Him whose voice can quiet the storm can also be trusted to see you through it (Mark 4:36-40).
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