"It's Not for Me" and Other Myths About Counseling

Before becoming a counselor, I was an English teacher for a decade. In that role, I heard the same objection time and time again from dozens of students: "I don't like reading."

Here's the thing, though: it's not true. That's like saying you don't like food or music or beauty. What these students were actually saying is they haven't liked what they were forced to read or they haven't liked their other English teachers or they haven't liked the negativity surrounding reading.

This picture only loosely connects to what I'm talking about, but I thought it was funny.

Counseling is the same way. Sadly, many people say, "I don't need counseling" or "Counseling is not for me." But that typically represents a misunderstanding of what counseling is and/or reflects poor counseling experiences. Here are some other common myths people believe about counseling, followed by the truths about these things:

• Myth: "Counseling is for really messed up people."

  Truth: Counseling is for humble people. Anyone who wants to grow can benefit from counseling, especially if they feel stuck in an area where they can tell God is calling them to more.

• Myth: "Counseling is not for men."

  Truth: Men with fragile masculinity rarely darken the door of a counseling office, but secure men know it does not threaten their masculinity — rather, counseling can strenghten it.

• Myth: "Counseling is just for young people" or "I'm too old to change."

  Truth: Some of the most dramatic life change and growth I have seen is from older clients. It is true that neuroplasticity declines as we age, so it does get harder to change our minds. But the maturity, wisdom, and experience of older clients can also make things go faster. It is also true that older generations tend to have more of a bias against counseling. Some people who say "I'm too old to change" really mean, "I don't really want to do the work." If that's you, I challenge you to love yourself enough to be honest. The myth is really just a weak excuse that puts yourself down.

• Myth: "Counseling is too touchy-feely" or "Counseling is just talking about feelings."

  Truth: This objection can reveal a pathological discomfort with or avoidance of emotions. There are a number of reasons why this can happen, but counseling can help a person grow out of their animotophobia (the fear of one's own emotions) so they have greater freedom, confidence, maturity, and love. That being said, some counselors do have a more emotional style that feels cheesy to some clients. Such clients may benefit from a different counselor with a more straightforward style and/or cognitive or biblical emphasis rather than emotional.

• Myth: "Counseling is too expensive."

  Truth: Counseling is an investment that can have an incredible return. Couples counseling is way more affordable than divorce. Reducing anxiety and depression reduces physical symptoms and extends life expectancy. Mental/emotional/spiritual flourishing improves relationships and work performance. And what is your peace worth after all? When you really think about it, counseling might be one of the best investments you ever make. Another key truth with this one, though: the more committed you are, the more seriously you take your part, the more effort you put in — the faster you graduate counseling and the better financial value you get. Too many clients make the mistake of expecting the counselor to "fix them," and this can result in a slow, passive approach.

• Myth: "Real Christians don't go to counseling," "Counselors can't be trusted," or "Christians tempted to go to counseling actually have a lack of faith, immaturity, weak prayer life, etc."

  Truth: You should be discerning about the counselor you go to. The Bible gives us criteria to look for. See the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23 and the qualifications for elders, deacons, and overseers in 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1. In seeking a counselor, you are asking someone to speak into some of the most intimate parts of your life; you are seeking wisdom. Is this not sheparding in the truest sense? Does not wisdom come from the Lord? In this way, finding a strong Christian counselor might actually be the deepest way to experience accountability from another believer and to deepen your faith.

• Myth: "Counseling is a last resort."People rarely speak this one out loud, but it is often believed.

• Truth: Counseling can be a good last resort, but earlier is often better. Any couples counselor can tell you about couples who have suffered for far too long and then only sought counseling to "check the box" before divorce. How heartbreaking! And how different it feels when a couple seeks counseling before marriage or early on. How this can bless them and their families for the rest of their lives! Of course, this is all true for individuals as well.

Lord, in all things, give me your eyes and your heart. I know you call me to freedom, joy, peace, and love; I pray you would show me how to grow in these things. Search my heart, and reveal to me what you would like to address. Show me if counseling is a tool you would like to use to bring me closer to you. Either way, make your will be done in my life and make me more like you. Amen.